When you think of some of the most important qualities in a partner there may be a few things that come to mind immediately. Amongst other things, 3 of the most important qualities are vulnerability, empathy, and a new study brings generosity up there too.
How can you make sure you understand how to be vulnerable, empathetic and generous? We know it’s not that easy but we can get you started 😊
Vulnerability: The quality or state of being exposed to the possibility of being attacked or harmed, either physically or emotionally.
Being vulnerable means being open and sharing your inner most thoughts, beliefs and opinions, experiences and feelings. It’s important to show vulnerability because it helps us bond with people and understand them in a way otherwise not possible. It brings partners closer than ever before.
How do you show vulnerability? It can sometimes be difficult when/if you’ve been through so much in life to open the gates of communication and put yourself in a vulnerable situation, where the other person could judge, disagree or have their view of you altered...we get it. But how nice is it to know that even though someone knows all those things, they still choose to be with you and love you? It’s also nice from the listeners perspective to know that they are trusted and worthy of understanding you on that level.
Show vulnerability by accepting that you’re worthy of getting a positive response, know what you’re tendencies are and if they are hindering your ability to be vulnerable then work against them (e.g. don’t play your feelings down, share them in their entirety), and trust that you can deal with the outcome no matter what. If someone chooses not to be with you because you showed vulnerability, they don’t deserve your time!
For more information on vulnerability head to ted.comand watch Brené Browns talk on The Power of Vulnerability.
Empathy: The ability to understand and share the feelings of another. This goes hand in hand with the first quality. What’s the use of opening up or letting someone else open up to you if you/they aren’t going to show empathy. If your partner shares a discomfort, it is desirable if you put yourself in their shoes and try to totally understand telegram with no judgement, but support. If you show empathy your partner is more likely to display their vulnerabilities.
Showing empathy means you need to actively listen, ask questions, validate the other persons perspective, and problem solve together as a team.
Generosity: Readiness or liberality in giving. This doesn’t just mean giving of material things. It can mean the giving of time or advice, or being generous with humour in a time of need.
It is important to be generous in a relationship and scrap the give and take mentality. You don’t always have to be getting something and it’s not about score keeping. Sometimes your partner will only be able to give 80% and you will have to make that up and give 120%. It’s not about giving with the intention of receiving, it’s about giving because you truly care only about doing your best to be your best. Generosity also involves forgiveness which is essential for avoiding grudges and healing. In relationships we are human just like at work or at school. We all make mistakes and even though you’ve asked your partner to fix the bed before he leaves for work and he didn’t, it’s ok. They are vulnerable so be generous with your empathy. Generosity isn’t always easy, but it can be learned. Start with trying to give your partner the benefit of the doubt, or not working back so late and spending an extra 30mins together before bed.
Being a good partner is not always easy, but if you embody these qualities then you’re on the track to success.
Team TBM xx