In 1992 Dr Gary Chapman, an Author and Senior associate pastor at Calvary Baptist Church, North Carolina wrote a book called The Five Love Languages. Now some of you might think…hmmm I do NOT need any advice on how to love my partner from a 54 year old man with strong religious views. However, Chapman’s book reveals one of the most important concepts in the realm of love and relationships…Love Language.
A love language is the way in which you as an individual give and receive love to your partner. It is important because if we don’t receive love in the way that we relate to, or in a way that corresponds with our love language, we don’t feel loved at all and that’s kinda not going to get us anywhere.
So how do we know what love language we and our partner speak? Well there is a description for each one here:
Words of Affirmation – If this is your love language, you like words of appreciation. You like your actions to be noticed and for gratitude to be verbally expressed through words like “Thank you for…”, “I really appreciate all the work you did…”.
Acts of Service – People who appreciate acts of service feel loved when things are done for them, such as meals are cooked for them, getting them a drink of water without them asking, and helping with household chores.
Receiving Gifts – Some people need to receive gifts in order to feel loved by their spouse. It shows them that their partner thought of them.
Quality Time – Undivided attention and time spent together shows people who speak this love language that you care about them and what they have to say.
Physical Touch – Holding hands, a hand on their shoulder or knee, embracing, kissing, intercourse. These are all signs of love for a partner who speaks this love language.
Now it’s one thing knowing this, and another thing to ask for what you need, right!? It is essential to any relationship to know what makes your partner feel loved, and to share what makes you feel loved with your partner. It can be as simple as saying “It makes me feel really loved when…..what makes you feel most loved?” to start making those deeper connections. Give it a try and see if it makes a difference.
Which language do you speak?
Team TBM xx